Status: Cult

So... I officially registered for my courses at Preason (that is a deliberate typo. It is a combination of Pearson and Prison. Preason.).

I have picked Higher Level English, Standard Level French, Higher Level Philosophy, Higher Level Biology, Higher Level Math, and Standard Level Music.

Sounds like a fairly innocuous sort of thing to do, right? But no... they ask you all these questions like what you want to do after Pearson, and what your likely career is, and, and where you want to go to University. So I answered... but then was subtly sarcastic. It was kind of fun. It also induced mild panic. But that's cool.

Seriously, though, it's getting much better. The panic, that is. I am generally less panicked and more coming up with dealing strategies. For example... I am going to buy a PSP before going so I can continue to play overly violent videos WHILE gaining a sense of international understanding. I fail to see why the two have to be mutually exclusive.

Additionally... I have come down to three potential theories on the REAL nature of this place.

1. It is a legitimate international school. No matter how unlikely this seems, anything is possible.

2. It is a cult. The number of pages in the handbook filled with one sentence assertions is alarming. Like, for serious. It's way up there. It's very commanding. And controlling. You should see their IT policy. It's craziness... it's like they're stealing all the awesome from the internets.

3. It is a biological weapon testing facility. I have to get tested for tuberculosis before going. In fact... they mention the need for tuberculosis testing about 8 times on the medical forms. This makes me think that they need everyone to be free from tuberculosis so that they can infect everyone with the same strain of tuberculosis and then test us in various ways. This testing includes both academic performance and ability to kayak. This is currently number one in my book.

Actually... it's probably a combination of 2&3 with 1 as a cover.

Conspiracy. Even bigger than wax paper.

Thoughts?

Two Months

Two months until lift off...

Uh oh.

Blurgh...

Ok, so what... I'm going a little crazy. It's understandable. I am about to undergo a huge life change, and have some concerns. Whatever.

I just needed to swear a lot about it in caps. I mean, it's no big deal, or anything.

What do you mean, stop lying? I take insult to that, sir/madam.

So, yeah... this whole Pearson thing is massively fucking with my head. Honestly, I am more than a little freaked about this whole endeavour. Overall... I guess it is kind of to be expected, and probably good because at least I'm not in massive denial, but that doesn't make semi-imminent departure any less freaky.

It's like... off you go to what essentially seems to be a minimum security prison out in the woods in the middle of nowhere, and along the way you're going to become aware of different cultures. I read that handbook, and it is seriously disturbing. Autocratic, cultish, and doesn't seem like it's going to be super accepting of people like me.

I think they are fully capable of dealing with different cultures, and such. But otherwise it seems like they have this kind of archetype student they want who is extroverted and enthusiastic and one of those kind of... we-think-outside-the-box,-but-within-the-box-that-is-immediately-outside-the-first-box types. If any of you have ever been to like... conferences about sustainability and stuff, you will no what I mean. The 'we want to change the world' type who's full of philosophy, but has no ideas, and is just like 'I watch films' and "care". "Look at all these philosophy books I've read and don't understand". "Ever since I saw Little Miss Sunshine, I think Nietzsche is the bomb." I have a feeling it will be a tad infuriating.

And then it's like... sharing a room with three people, minimum at all times. It's like... when do you get to spend some time alone. Plus... no vidya games to be seen. You're not allowed to play on the internets at all. (They are total IT nazis). They only have 2 Kurt Vonnegut books in their library. It just seems really, like it's not quite the place for me.

Pearson Panic.

PANICKING.

HANDBOOK, WELCOME PACKAGE. TOOOOOO MUCH. HOLY FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO.

THIS FUCKING SUCKS. FUCK. FUCK!!!!!

I NEED SOMETHING MORE EMPHATIC THAN CAPS.

i'm going back to small case for contrast.

NOW MORE CAPS OF PANIC. THIS SUCKS. GOD FUCK. TWO YEARS? AAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That is all.

The Excelsior Family

I have a new concept. This is a Jordan/Julia collaboration, so I can't take all the credit. But since he doesn't have a blog, I will accept most of it.

We have come up with a new family of sensational characters. THE EXCELSIORS. The matriarch is Ood Excelsior. She was the first woman in Canada to lose the vote. It happened a day after the Persons Act was passed (1921 for geeks). I can't remember what she did, but it was something so spectacularly ridiculous that the government decided she couldn't vote. It's good. I will be writing up her life story one of these days in order to put it up on that Canadian Herstory bulletin board.

BUT!

THE KEY IS OOD'S GREAT GRANDSON.

HIS NAME IS TAMBRACCA EXCELSIOR. We modelled him after a percussionist in grade nine band. He was playing a tambourine and marraccas simultaneously. It was epicly hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing. THIS WAS BAD BECAUSE I WAS SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW. AND STARING AT TAMBRACCA THE WHOLE TIME.

*SIDE NOTE* I had a great idea for a comedy sketch. It involves a whole bunch of hobbits twirling around vomiting. They're dancing, and it's very idyllic and celebratory, but there are these white fountains of vomit everywhere. *END SIDE NOTE*

But yeah, I have great hopes for the EXCELSIOR FAMILY CHRONICLES.

They will mostly be about the sad, sad life of Tambracca, but others will be there too.

END TRANSMISSION.

Wax Paper.

There is a conspiracy.

That is all.

Superglue.

Many of you may know of my unflinching concern for safety. It is the tremendous concern that prompts often to do incredibly stupid things, mostly to prove that they are unsafe.

Of course it's not that I simply fail to consider all consequences when choosing actions and often make very similar mistakes multiple times in a row before learning.

Geez... I'm all about safety here people. I even have a safety hat. Which I stole from someone. AND THAT IS NOT SAFE. LEARN FROM ME PEOPLE.

But anyways, this post is all about regaling to all you folk our there the tremendous dangers of a little known substance that you may run into at some point. SUPERGLUE.

At about the same time I became obsessed with safety, I also became obsessed with safety's natural cousin, crazy sunglasses. These particular sunglasses are the fantastic green ones with the plastic bars in place of lenses.

Once upon a time, my brother borrowed these glasses and broke off one of the arms. He then proceeded to ask 'Who did this?' as if it wasn't him. But we all know it was.

So, in any case, regardless of how much the brother denies the breaking, they needed to be fixed, so I went earlier today to procure some superglue in order to achieve this fixation of glasses.

With the glue procured I then painstakingly read all instructions carefully and heeded them fully. I obviously didn't just rip open the package and start gluing like a crazy person. I am now aware that would be irresponsible. I mean was always aware. Yes. Always.

HOWEVER. Despite my immense concern over safety with glue, I ran into a mishap. This mishap mostly involved gluing my right middle finger to the glasses. How, you ask? I respond, 'NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS'. Suffice to say 'CAUTION: BONDS SKIN INSTANTLY'.

But... through my infinite dedication to safety, I was aware that hot water dissolves most adhesives, and a quick perusal of the safety instructions of the glue confirmed this assumption. So, off I go, thinking 'Ok, this isn't so bad. I'll just run some hot water and this will come right off'. I go to the sink and run some hot water. Very hot. VERY HOT.

Now imagine the sink is full of hot water. Now imagine me putting my glasses hand in the hot water. Now imagine me pulling my (now slightly burnt) glasses hand out of the water in pain. Now imagine a swift flow of expletives.

Eventually the water cooled slightly and I put my hand back in, soaked it for a few minutes, and the glue bonding my finger to the glasses dissolved.

However, the skin on my finger is quite raw, and my right hand is scalded.

The glasses were fixed. But at great cost.

LEARN FROM ME. STAY AWAY FROM SUPERGLUE.