The Amygdala

Status: Cult

2008-07-14T22:09:00.001-07:00

So... I officially registered for my courses at Preason (that is a deliberate typo. It is a combination of Pearson and Prison. Preason.).

I have picked Higher Level English, Standard Level French, Higher Level Philosophy, Higher Level Biology, Higher Level Math, and Standard Level Music.

Sounds like a fairly innocuous sort of thing to do, right? But no... they ask you all these questions like what you want to do after Pearson, and what your likely career is, and, and where you want to go to University. So I answered... but then was subtly sarcastic. It was kind of fun. It also induced mild panic. But that's cool.

Seriously, though, it's getting much better. The panic, that is. I am generally less panicked and more coming up with dealing strategies. For example... I am going to buy a PSP before going so I can continue to play overly violent videos WHILE gaining a sense of international understanding. I fail to see why the two have to be mutually exclusive.

Additionally... I have come down to three potential theories on the REAL nature of this place.

1. It is a legitimate international school. No matter how unlikely this seems, anything is possible.

2. It is a cult. The number of pages in the handbook filled with one sentence assertions is alarming. Like, for serious. It's way up there. It's very commanding. And controlling. You should see their IT policy. It's craziness... it's like they're stealing all the awesome from the internets.

3. It is a biological weapon testing facility. I have to get tested for tuberculosis before going. In fact... they mention the need for tuberculosis testing about 8 times on the medical forms. This makes me think that they need everyone to be free from tuberculosis so that they can infect everyone with the same strain of tuberculosis and then test us in various ways. This testing includes both academic performance and ability to kayak. This is currently number one in my book.

Actually... it's probably a combination of 2&3 with 1 as a cover.

Conspiracy. Even bigger than wax paper.

Thoughts?

Two Months

2008-06-29T22:22:00.001-07:00

Two months until lift off...

Uh oh.

Blurgh...

2008-06-28T16:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, so what... I'm going a little crazy. It's understandable. I am about to undergo a huge life change, and have some concerns. Whatever.

I just needed to swear a lot about it in caps. I mean, it's no big deal, or anything.

What do you mean, stop lying? I take insult to that, sir/madam.

So, yeah... this whole Pearson thing is massively fucking with my head. Honestly, I am more than a little freaked about this whole endeavour. Overall... I guess it is kind of to be expected, and probably good because at least I'm not in massive denial, but that doesn't make semi-imminent departure any less freaky.

It's like... off you go to what essentially seems to be a minimum security prison out in the woods in the middle of nowhere, and along the way you're going to become aware of different cultures. I read that handbook, and it is seriously disturbing. Autocratic, cultish, and doesn't seem like it's going to be super accepting of people like me.

I think they are fully capable of dealing with different cultures, and such. But otherwise it seems like they have this kind of archetype student they want who is extroverted and enthusiastic and one of those kind of... we-think-outside-the-box,-but-within-the-box-that-is-immediately-outside-the-first-box types. If any of you have ever been to like... conferences about sustainability and stuff, you will no what I mean. The 'we want to change the world' type who's full of philosophy, but has no ideas, and is just like 'I watch films' and "care". "Look at all these philosophy books I've read and don't understand". "Ever since I saw Little Miss Sunshine, I think Nietzsche is the bomb." I have a feeling it will be a tad infuriating.

And then it's like... sharing a room with three people, minimum at all times. It's like... when do you get to spend some time alone. Plus... no vidya games to be seen. You're not allowed to play on the internets at all. (They are total IT nazis). They only have 2 Kurt Vonnegut books in their library. It just seems really, like it's not quite the place for me.

Pearson Panic.

2008-06-27T22:25:00.001-07:00

PANICKING.

HANDBOOK, WELCOME PACKAGE. TOOOOOO MUCH. HOLY FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO.

THIS FUCKING SUCKS. FUCK. FUCK!!!!!

I NEED SOMETHING MORE EMPHATIC THAN CAPS.

i'm going back to small case for contrast.

NOW MORE CAPS OF PANIC. THIS SUCKS. GOD FUCK. TWO YEARS? AAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That is all.

The Excelsior Family

2008-05-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

I have a new concept. This is a Jordan/Julia collaboration, so I can't take all the credit. But since he doesn't have a blog, I will accept most of it.

We have come up with a new family of sensational characters. THE EXCELSIORS. The matriarch is Ood Excelsior. She was the first woman in Canada to lose the vote. It happened a day after the Persons Act was passed (1921 for geeks). I can't remember what she did, but it was something so spectacularly ridiculous that the government decided she couldn't vote. It's good. I will be writing up her life story one of these days in order to put it up on that Canadian Herstory bulletin board.

BUT!

THE KEY IS OOD'S GREAT GRANDSON.

HIS NAME IS TAMBRACCA EXCELSIOR. We modelled him after a percussionist in grade nine band. He was playing a tambourine and marraccas simultaneously. It was epicly hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing. THIS WAS BAD BECAUSE I WAS SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW. AND STARING AT TAMBRACCA THE WHOLE TIME.

*SIDE NOTE* I had a great idea for a comedy sketch. It involves a whole bunch of hobbits twirling around vomiting. They're dancing, and it's very idyllic and celebratory, but there are these white fountains of vomit everywhere. *END SIDE NOTE*

But yeah, I have great hopes for the EXCELSIOR FAMILY CHRONICLES.

They will mostly be about the sad, sad life of Tambracca, but others will be there too.

END TRANSMISSION.

Wax Paper.

2008-05-19T13:37:00.001-07:00

There is a conspiracy.

That is all.

Superglue.

2008-05-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

Many of you may know of my unflinching concern for safety. It is the tremendous concern that prompts often to do incredibly stupid things, mostly to prove that they are unsafe.

Of course it's not that I simply fail to consider all consequences when choosing actions and often make very similar mistakes multiple times in a row before learning.

Geez... I'm all about safety here people. I even have a safety hat. Which I stole from someone. AND THAT IS NOT SAFE. LEARN FROM ME PEOPLE.

But anyways, this post is all about regaling to all you folk our there the tremendous dangers of a little known substance that you may run into at some point. SUPERGLUE.

At about the same time I became obsessed with safety, I also became obsessed with safety's natural cousin, crazy sunglasses. These particular sunglasses are the fantastic green ones with the plastic bars in place of lenses.

Once upon a time, my brother borrowed these glasses and broke off one of the arms. He then proceeded to ask 'Who did this?' as if it wasn't him. But we all know it was.

So, in any case, regardless of how much the brother denies the breaking, they needed to be fixed, so I went earlier today to procure some superglue in order to achieve this fixation of glasses.

With the glue procured I then painstakingly read all instructions carefully and heeded them fully. I obviously didn't just rip open the package and start gluing like a crazy person. I am now aware that would be irresponsible. I mean was always aware. Yes. Always.

HOWEVER. Despite my immense concern over safety with glue, I ran into a mishap. This mishap mostly involved gluing my right middle finger to the glasses. How, you ask? I respond, 'NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS'. Suffice to say 'CAUTION: BONDS SKIN INSTANTLY'.

But... through my infinite dedication to safety, I was aware that hot water dissolves most adhesives, and a quick perusal of the safety instructions of the glue confirmed this assumption. So, off I go, thinking 'Ok, this isn't so bad. I'll just run some hot water and this will come right off'. I go to the sink and run some hot water. Very hot. VERY HOT.

Now imagine the sink is full of hot water. Now imagine me putting my glasses hand in the hot water. Now imagine me pulling my (now slightly burnt) glasses hand out of the water in pain. Now imagine a swift flow of expletives.

Eventually the water cooled slightly and I put my hand back in, soaked it for a few minutes, and the glue bonding my finger to the glasses dissolved.

However, the skin on my finger is quite raw, and my right hand is scalded.

The glasses were fixed. But at great cost.

LEARN FROM ME. STAY AWAY FROM SUPERGLUE.

Waaaaaah. Shaving Cream.

2008-05-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

http://poetv.com/video.php?vid=35428

I am incredibly scared.

Incredibly.

I mean... wtf?

Book the Ripper

2008-05-14T22:06:00.001-07:00

I had an excellent idea for a CSI/Criminal Minds/Law & Order type show episode.

Here is the premise.

There is a serial killer who rips pages out of relevant books and leaves them at crime scenes where he has killed his victim. Because of the ripped pages, the police and media dub this serial killer 'Book the Ripper'. Obviously a terrible pun on 'Jack the Ripper'. Oh, this episode is so full of puns.

Also in the episode they hire a new cop/CSI person. This person's name is coincidently Rip. Isn't that funny?!?

But, the best part is the end of the episode. They catch the guy eventually, and then someone either says 'Book the Ripper' as in: arrest the 'ripper' ie killer. OR someone says to Rip 'Book 'im Rip!' and then Rip arrests Book the Ripper.

And it gets so much better. Know how? Possibly. But here it is anyways.

Book the Ripper apparently lived in a igloo made of books right in the middle of the city. SO one of the other cops says to Rip 'HOW DID YOU MISS THIS GUY?!?!?' And Rip, who is a little slow, and also a ninja, says 'Durrrrr... me no know. I go checks for evidences?' and then he disappears, but won't stop yelling.

Anyhow, he goes down to the bookgloo and goes inside for evidence, but even though he is invisible he still won't stop yelling. And because he is yelling in an unstable structure, the sound waves from the yelling collapse the igloo. And then Rip gets covered in paper cuts. It's tragic.

Later, some of the other cops go to check on how Rip is making out, and find that he has been paper cut to death. AND THEN FOR THE FINAL TERRIBLE PUN OF THE EPISODE.

One of the cops says 'HE GOT RIPPED!' Because you know... cuts are like rips in skin.

I don't need you.

BUT I THINK THIS IS A WINNER.

The Koppel Game

2008-05-13T18:56:00.000-07:00

Ok.

Here is a fun game if you are super bored/looking to procrastinate. I didn't invent it, but I will take credit.

Go to Wikipedia.

Open a random page.

Click on links until you get to Ted Koppel.

If you challenge a friend, it's a race.

If not, post your number of moves as a comment.

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Koppel.
Koppel Who?
Koppel's wikipedia page.

FIND IT. FOR THE CHILDREN. AND THE HILARITY. MOSTLY THE HILARITY.

PS... my record is seven moves.

Duh, Duh, DUHHHHHHHH.

2008-05-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

Whoa, I have made a decision. I know, craziness...

This shall be the blog. The blog that is mine. The blog I use to keep people full of sarcasm and cynicism when I LEAVE.

UPDATE. I'm going to Lester B. Pearson United World College of the Pacific. It's no big deal, but that name makes me exquisitely pretentious.

Also, they have no idea what they've done. I am almost incapable of telling people I got a scholarship without bursting into uncontrollable laughter. I bamboozled my way in. Bamboozled like a fox! Also it was really easy. That helps. Generally.

A shortage of periods in times new roman font would be most difficult for people who write in short. Choppy. Sentences. I should conserve. But no. This is my style.

I figure if I can share the joys and terrors of leaving with the internets, there will be far less urge to encumber a certain ASIAN friend with these facts. THEN MAYBE WE CAN START TALKING AGAIN. Or not. What do I care. Chop. Chop.

But, I don't know. This whole Pearson thing seems more than a little worrying to me. I mean, their whole message is attempting to attract people who you know, care about things, and especially people. Now, I hate people. I mean, why am I doing this?

YOU KNOW WHY? Because I am an overly competitive, stubborn idiot who does not fully consider the consequences of applications. That is most of the reason why I've been hard core debating for the last five years. I mean... this is just not good. Just because I can fool a selection committee does not mean I'm the right choice!

So, I have come up with an incredibly elegant solution. I am going to shake things up a little. I am going to be full of irony, cynicism, and sarcasm. I will be polite when discussing politics or religion, but I will not fear criticising either of these things and pointing out any flaw in logic regardless of how touchy the subject is. I will bring the academic hammer down. Hard.

SO THERE YOU FUCKING HAVE IT.

This blog will occasionally explore complex social/otherwise issues when I feel like it. But mostly it will regard my Pearson exploits from now until May 2010.

DERP DERP.

... Blog Time

2007-12-02T22:51:00.000-08:00

So, you see... it happens to be nearly one in the morning. I happen to be unable to sleep. And, most importantly, I happen to have recently started this blog. Dandy. We have a recipe for success (or utter failure... they are quite close, you know)!

Amygdala... it is: a rather funny word to say. Say it with me... A-MYG-DA-LA. Fun, isn't it? (well you don't have to be all sarcastic about it, do you?)
it is: Aladgyma backwards. Say it with me... A-LA-DGY-MA. Ridiculous, isn't it? (you many now be as sarcastic about it as you like)
it is: A region of the brain most usually associated with the modulation of memory, particularly regarding emotional reactions (no sarcasm, this is serious business)
it is: the name of this blog.

That last 'it is' opens up some more questions for us, like why the name of this blog is 'amygdala'. Well, the easy answer would be... I wanted a nifty name and hippocampus was already taken. Or, the slightly more complex and long winded answer is, emotional memory has some funky social connotations. Emotional memory allows us to remember things that make us feel happy, or sad, or downtrodden, or what have you. The Amygdala will thus cause us to remember things about our past that will shape how we live our future, based on how the remembered emotional reaction is linked to a consequence. Profound, is it not?

Now, I don't profess to be able to shape how anyone, who for some reason happens to be reading this blog, would actually feel or live their life. It is really mostly the result of me being super bored and not wanting to do work. What you will get is some rather trite, left-wing, atheistic, green, and always stilted drivel that will maybe try a little to offer a touch of perspective on things.

The real Amygdala has a profound effect on world view and lifestyle... this will be a poor substitute, but what the hell, let's have some fun.